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Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Newt’s Loony Lunar Promise
Presumably, Newt Gingrich’s futurological declaration today about a Moon Base within a decade was not meant as an admission of his eagerness to frak and drill and deforest the earth into a dead moonscape dotted with military bases, but was just a symptom of his usual grandiosity as he became momentarily distracted with daydreams of a Glorious Gingrichian Golden Age within his grasp at last, at last! This becomes even clearer when we discover that Gingrich offered up a number of other futurological promises in the speech which remain as yet under-reported, among them a promise to migrate the White House into an L5 torus from which asteroids would be tossed to smite his enemies, a promise to end the recession by unleashing programmed nanobotic swarms that will transform America’s Blue States at a molecular level into self-regenerating multi-ton layer cake archipelagos that can be had and eaten, too, and a promise that all who believe in him will have everlasting life once he uploads what he described as their "data-souls" into cyberspace (which he also promised would be heaven and not hell despite bugs, crashes, surveillance, and spam).