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Monday, February 23, 2009

Sounds Like Medicine!

American skin care ads with their pastel digitized molecules swimming in the background and kinda-sciency neologisms and flawless teenage models urging us to believe in the "age-defying," "allure-inducing" automagical powers of their crap products provide an illuminating lens through which you can read quite a lot of futurological discourse more generally, it seems to me. I give you, the hilarious, righteous Sarah Haskins:


jimf said...

I wish this were on YouTube. Just to hear
Bernadette Peters say "There now, we are complete."

[At the May Company, Los Angeles]

Marie: Now doesn't that feel good?

Customer: Mm hm.

Marie: There now, we are complete. Putting on Mascoderm[*] just took
a few short minutes and when we peel it off, he will look twenty
years younger.

Wife: Ala vey!

Marie: Yes, exactly. Now we'll let this dry. In the meantime, we
can go and pick out an eye shadow and lip tint for him. Now
everyone, just follow me this way, because this is a very
interesting line, and I think you'll enjoy this.

(they move on to a different part of the store)

Marie: With your husbands coloring, a deep tone would bring out
his lips, and this, "Nature Beige" will feature his eyes just

Wife: Let's try everything.

(Meanwhile, Navin has given the man some money and taken his
place. Navin has somehow applied Mascoderm to himself)

Irving: What? (as Navin waves a bill at him)

(the crowd moves back to where Irving was, Navin is)

Marie: Ah, let's go unmask Irving. Everyone, back this way. We are
now going to peel off our Mascoderm. Irving's skin will be
tighter, firmer, and he'll look like a different man. You'll be
amazed. Get ready Irving!

(she peels off the mask to reveal Navin)

Crowd: Ohhh!

Marie: Jeez, this shit really worked! Navin, oh my sweetheart!

Wife: What are you doing to my husband you Miz Blondie! Irving,
Irving, are you crazy?!

[*] "Mascoderm" -- not to be confused with "maxoderm"

jimf said...

> . . .flawless teenage models urging us to believe in the
> "age-defying," "allure-inducing" automagical powers. . .

Fortunately, this one **is** on YouTube.

jimf said...

I don't think it's sweat, honey, I think you're defrosting.

jimf said...

Dr. Jaffe: First we remove the excess derma. So! And the
flaccid tissues under the eyes. And the forehead. Zip!
Now, I lift the wrinkles and the worry lines right up into
the wig... into the hairline. And now the template...
There, now a bit of sticky... Already, she's twice
as beautiful as she was before. Voila!

Sam: (surprised) My god, it works.

Martin said...

A medical resident told me the secret of dermatology. If it's wet, dry it. If it's dry, wet it. If that doesn't work, cut it off. Of course, that's for actual skin problems. Only beauty could be this complicated.

jimf said...

D Becomes H (1992): The jackpot on YouTube.


D Becomes H (1992) - 1/10 -

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D Becomes H (1992) - 10/10 -