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Friday, September 19, 2008

The SadlyNo! Brain Trust Speaks For Me Today

[T]he stock market is rallying because stupid rich people won’t have to suffer any consequences for the shitty investments they’ve made over the past decade.

It’s times like these where I start getting pitchfork-and-torches angry. Make no mistake, this bailout plan will have a massive opportunity cost. National health care just became that much more difficult because we’re going to be spending $1 trillion to bail out a bunch of irresponsible Wall Street assholes.

The sheer amount of shit that the American taxpayer is about to devour cannot be calculated. Our choices boil down to: [one] Borrowing a crapload more money from the Chinese and adding God knows how much to our national debt. [two] Paying significantly higher taxes and getting precisely nothing in return except for the knowledge that rich people won’t feel bad about themselves.

It’s time to bring back the pillory stocks, my friends. I want Bush, Paulson, Cox, Bernanke and the heads of AIG, Bear Stearns, Lehman Brothers and Fannie and Freddie locked up for years on end so that we may hurl vegetables and feces at them to our hearts’ content. Because hey, if we’re going to be sacrificing our Social Security and our health insurance to save the Wizards of Wall Street, we might as well get something out of the deal.

Btw, the SadlyNo! Brain Trust also speaks hilarious truths when the topic turns to things transhumanistical and futurological and armyofdavidsological. Google it, endless mirth.

1 comment:

Martin said...

Maybe we could take all of those executives' assets by eminent domain (it IS for the public good, after all) and use that money as part of the bail out.