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Wednesday, September 24, 2008

I Can't Take Out the Garbage Because I Have to Go to Washington to Solve the Financial Crisis.

I can't teach tomorrow because I have to go to Washington to solve the FInancial Crisis.

I can't pick up toilet paper and dishwashing liquid on my way home tomorrow like I said I would because I have to go to Washington to solve the financial crisis.

I can't pay my bills this month because I have to go to Washington and solve the financial crisis.

Professor Carrico, I couldn't turn in my paper on time yesterday because I had to go to Washington and solve the financial crisis.

Sure, I'm not on the committee which is hammering out the policy details behind closed doors, sure, I've admitted I don't know much about economic policy anyway, sure, just a week ago I was denying that there was a crisis and handwaving that the fundamentals were all still strong, and, sure, since then I've corkscrewed my way through endlessly many logically incompatible positions on the Wall Street meltdown, sure, the whole crisis arose out of the idiotic Randroidal free-marketeer deregulatory fervor I was a cheerleader for myself as a matter of rhetoric through decades as a Washington insider, sure, the contours of the present crisis replay uncannily the Keating Five scandal that nearly ended my career back in the day, still I can't participate in the Presidential Debate I agreed to, even though Presidential Debates were not halted in the past by terrorist attacks on American ships at sea, Times Square, the Iranian Embassy and so on, all because I have to go to Washington, uninvited and without any clear official role, to solve the financial crisis.

I mean, really? McCain really tried to pull this stunt?

After pulling the flabbergastingly reckless disrespectful unserious Sarah Palin for VP stunt? After canceling the first day of his convention because of a hurricane?

What's next? Is he gonna whomp up enthusiasm in the wingnut base by pissing on stage at a town hall and saying "that's what I think of lie-bruls"? Showing his love of capital punishment by strangling an underage shoplifter with his bare hands? Declare he sees the face of Christ on his grilled cheese sandwich? Is he gonna declare that, if elected, he'll live in a glass box suspended from a crane over the Washington Mall for forty days and forty nights?

Speaking of forty days and forty nights, I honestly am not entirely sure I won't have been driven utterly insane before this Election Day.


Greg in Portland said...

I'm John McCain and I'm too scared to approve this message.

Martin said...

This just in: Sarah Palin has submitted her own proposal to cast the witches out of Wall St.